8.27.2006

future bizarroworld

BOSTON (08/27/06) - Mother's milk is now bad for your health.

Last night the Transportation Security Administration added breast milk to the growing list of items prohibited in airline carry-on luggage after authorities at Logan International Airport thwarted a terrorist bomb plot; breast milk was a key component in plans for a homemade explosive device.

Acting on an anonymous tip, security officials detained four people - two Middle Eastern men and their wives - just moments before they were to board an American Airlines flight bound for Milwaukee. TSA officials said the two couples were in posession of iPods, allegedly to be used as detonators, and that the plot also would have made use of in-flight magazines or other available paper. All four suspects were arrested and are being held without bail.

"This was a very sophisticated plan and operation," said Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff. "It was not a circle with a handful of people sitting around and dreaming."

According to the new TSA restrictions, pregnant women and nursing mothers will no longer be allowed on domestic or international flights. Chertoff said the restrictions will remain in place indefinitely, and all women will have to undergo special screening to ensure they are not currently capable of lactating. Women should allow an extra hour and a half of time to clear airport security. Breast pumps also have been added to the list of prohibited items.

"This is outrageous," said Jamie Smith, a mother of two who was turned away from her flight to Los Angeles. "This is bad for business. Can it even be legal to ban someone from flying because of their gender?"

Smith was unable to obtain a refund, and most airlines are not waiving rebooking fees for passengers who can not currently fly.

Still, most passengers agreed that the new regulations were necessary.

"Whatever we need to do for national security is fine by me," said Bob Jones, a financial analyst who travels frequently for work.

"Our freedom is important," said Jeb Stratford, whose pregnant wife was turned away at the security checkpoint at Logan. "Whatever the government needs to do to preserve our freedom I support 100 percent. These are really small sacrifices when you look at the whole picture. What are we giving up, really, other than some small conveniences? Our freedom is at least worth that much." © IHTFBS News Service

But seriously - just wait for it ... what else could be next?

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